| sssh... its a secret |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|01:13 pm] |
here's to the folks who never gets laid cuz they had one-too-many sexcapades, and here's to the girls who think they're in love or somethin cuz their so fucken horny that a poison apple looks like a freshly-baked muffin. here's to me going to hell because i read in a magazine the other day that the majority of couples split sometime between the holidays and valentines and the first thing i thought was "well... THATS exciting news!" and here's to the fattest, most selfish, obnoxious, socially awkward kid having a fat crush on me and making me feel guilty because i'm not attracted to him. here's to missing my disgusting and possibly mildly retarded, possesive xbf because i'm sooo lonely and i want male company like crazy. here's to the three fake-gay-boys i love and miss (some more than others) with their stupid girlfriends/ james francos (but i hope he at least gets me his autograph). here's to not being able to focus on the work i should be doing cuz i keep thinking about sex. he said it's different with guys because it feels like you have to pee, but all the time, and if you don't satisfy the urge, you will go crazy. pshah. not so different, after all. fml. |
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| troubles |
[Sep. 19th, 2009|08:30 pm] |
so let's all get drunk, love, cuz where are they now? they're droppin' like flies, like, dead in the ground, like off in the air, like bringin' me down, seems they're not even there when they're still around...
oh, i probably fucked myself. i think i have some obsessive personality defect that usually lies dormant but can at times serve to drive me crazy and fuck my life, liiiike, right there in the butt.
ugghh all my posts on this thing are so vague and emooooo. i shouldn't be that way.
well here is what i am talking about:
- i'm not close with either of my closest (aka only) friends right now. one of them, she lives with me and shes really depressed because [see point 2] and i have no idea how to help her feel better, especially since i've been feeling pretty shitty myself. the other one, well, she moved away and she only calls me when she wants to speak to her sister. i'm glad they're so close but it still makes me sad.
- my friend died. on august 19, 2009. in a car accident. we weren't that close but i remember in the beginning of last year we all used to hang out constantly and we were all like sisters. she was always very supportive even though i often acted like a jealous little hag. we went to her funeral and her pants are in my closet. i'm not sure what to do with them but it's freaking me out. i can't go in there anymore. angela said she will never get over it and it scares me and the worst feeling in the world is to see your friend cry and not be able to do anything, except start crying yourself. fuck the guy who drove drunk. he's still alive, but his life is over. fuck him.
-aprapos (how the fuck do you spell that word, anyway?) of nothing, except for that its driving me fucking insane and making everything worse, well see, there was this guy. he was like eleven years older than i, and divorced. i met him on april fools day, and i could swear to god he was the man of my dreams because we were exactly the same. ugh. so silly. knowing him drove me to break up with my grimy ex, which i should have done back in december, anyway. he turned out to have a girlfriend, but he would always send me these weird dirty text messages, and one night he told me to meet him in the park at midnight, and he tried to kiss me but i thought it would be a bad idea so we just talked for a really long time and i told him all my secrets and i saw him one time after that, almost exactly a month ago, and i thought he was going to be my new best friend but now he ignores me and i don't for the life of me know why, but it's bumming me out, man, because i don't know who else i can talk to about my stupid life, and who else better to understand.
fuck septembers forever. i can fake it but it just makes me feel shittier. the best things are that an old farmer with a twirly mustache who eats at my workplace gave me a bag of home-grown tomatoes today. and i've been reading some really good books. but gee, whiz, what a life. |
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| lets go lets go... |
[Jun. 12th, 2009|07:49 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | deathcab for cutie - grapevie fires | ] |
i swear to jon, i'm moving to new york.
i have nothing left here
except a fucking bottle of whiskey
and it's about to be all gone.
why am i letting things get to me?
idk.
:( |
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| I think I broke my brain |
[Mar. 14th, 2009|06:09 pm] |
AAAAH TAXES AAAAH I DON'T GET IT AAAAAAAAH HELP I DON'T UNDERSTAND AAAAAAAAH MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY
in other news... nothing. tax forms are owning me so hard i'm going to drink tequila by myself instead :( |
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| the madness |
[Dec. 25th, 2008|01:43 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | looking forward to the future | ] |
| [ | music |
| | coldplay - lovers in japan | ] |
this year, in brief:
smoked a lot of weed
lost my virginity (lol tmi?)
fell head over heels for several very wrong people
lost hella braincells popping e pills
did some very stupid things (8 in '08?)
laughed a lot
got in trouble with the law
learned to cope with a lot of shit
became responsible
grew the fuck up
what i hope to accomplish next year:
get in school (for real for real this time!)
get a car
get my own place (or with a roomate)
become self-reliant (seriously)
merry christmas loves! smile!
(haha, loves? no one fucking reads this) |
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| That explains everything |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|05:47 pm] |
advice for the day: if you ever wrote down anything about your life, save it. you could learn something from it later.
so i'm in the market for a new best friend. paris hilton? |
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| Remember: |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|08:24 am] |
| [ | music |
| | coldplay - death and all his friends | ] |
you can't replace love with something you wish were so. |
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| Waiting |
[Oct. 20th, 2008|01:15 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | John Legend - Green Light | ] |
I am waiting for a certain friend I have to get off of a certain class that she was sanctioned to take by the court system. so here are some things, because i haven't written anything anywhere in a very long time.
a) I met the coolest homeless drunk person at he bus stop yesterday. Very entertaining. I gave him my doobie :)
b) Therapy - my parents' therapist insisted that I needed it and for such a long time I was afraid that she was right. But then I met someone. He said he wanted to be like my therapist but the thing was that the first night we seen eachother again (because in point of fact I've actually met him before) something happened between us and then I got so nervous around him that I started acting quite not-myself... and I guess it was jealousy or just confusion but either way, he didn't like the way that I was acting, so he treated me like shit. And when I finally stood up for myself, he treated me even worse. So I was really depressed. But then something wonderful happened. I just let. it. go. And I felt so much better. And I learned that you can't be so affected by people's opions to the point where they tear you down inside and turn you into just the person they think you are. So while we are kind of enemies, I love that guy because he was the best therapist I've ever had. And I didn't even have to pay!
c) There is this Hmong guy on my nuts. But I let him know - we are smoking buddies ONLY!
d) My best friend is a import model. STEPHANIE PHAN... MAKE HER FAMOUS!!!
e) There is this really chubby guy who I find inexplicably hot, but alas, I don't think I will ever see his gorgeous fat face again :(
Unforunately I have a pretty boring life so there is not much to say. I turned nineteen about tw weeks ago. Sees like a pretty cool age, and shit. |
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| And I heard 'em say |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|04:52 am] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | dying | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kanye West - Heard 'Em Say | ] |
hella shit, like the only way i can be a good friend is to endorse drinking and going crazy
like that i can't keep my hormones under control so they say words like, "slut," and "whore"
like i'm going to lose everything i hold dear if i don't get therapy right quick
like that they care for me when all they after is some pussy
like i can't handle myself at all
but then
i heard them say that they love me, regaurdless
assure me they don't hate me no matter what
and to hug me and stop me from crying when we fought with fists not two minutes before
because we know we will always be best friends, and sisters
and it's difficult
but
i have confidence
that we will all see better days
and i'm sorry for everything i've done wrong
but the only way to fix yourself is to live through the worst
and i've hit rock bottom about five times this year
but i keep bouncing back and i know we all do
and i know i frustrate you sometimes
but when we cry when we see eachother cry
that's something that nothing and no one will ever come between
i love you
more than they could say |
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| Change |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|03:35 pm] |
I have three jars of pennies, nickles and dimes. That's about $64.90. To last 3 people, 10 days.
Sometimes I have the urge to be a hooker. |
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| Honey you should know |
[Jul. 5th, 2008|02:23 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coldplay - Green Eyes | ] |
that I could never go on without you...
Man, Kam Sung can SUCK MY DICK. I want my best friend back.
PS I heard a song about the Vo family the other day. Quite literally highlight of my LIFE :D |
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| I'm bad news |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|05:22 pm] |
Rilo Kiley - Portions for Foxes. i feel like... it is the story of my life, at least last month, or even what? two weeks ago. it reminds me of how i act with certain people. like say, on picnick benches, at the berkeley marina?
oops, that slipped. i wish i were daisy... |
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| FUCK GIRLS NAMED DAISY |
[May. 17th, 2008|01:51 am] |
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...and marisa, even if she is my friend's girl. I can't type so good cuz I'm drunkers but here's my night in brioef:
1) Tore a bitch's shirt and tried to fight a guy..........HOW ARE YOU CALLING MY BEST FRIEND A BOTCH WHEN SHE'S STANDING YP FOR HER BELIEFS???? and fuck moooooolia how are you calling my little sister fat when you a huuuge bitch/cautionary whale?! FUCK YOU! why are you trynna step up to her for no reason, and as for justin... if you try to talk shit about m
2) Cried my eyes out because someone i really care for is not trynna talk to me anymore just because he's back with his ex... this is an issue because
a) i'm just trynna talk to you as friends because i love you to death and back and
b) i don't want to see him with that bitch... seriously date anyone else. i endorse him with arlene, even, just because she is an insane crackhead, he deserves so much better i swear to god, even steph n derrick is the perfect relationship compared to this bitch DAISY (also the name of the BITCH who stole brad from steph... that whore!) because who the fuuuuuck brakes into your fuckin house and gets on fuckin crack on your BIRTHDAY, okay? that is not a good girl. i would be so much better for him. FUCK IT any girl would be so much better for him and it like, hurts me not just because i'm like in love with him but because he is my friend and i don't want to see him settle for less... he is a great guy and a fuckin crackhead don't deserve a man like him
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| Depressed-fest |
[May. 7th, 2008|09:42 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jordin sparks - No Air | ] |
Everyone hates me today. Maybe once midnight hits the situation will fix itself. Doubt it. |
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| BF v BFF... guess who wins |
[Apr. 28th, 2008|11:48 am] |
Why April 2008 sucked gargantuan gorilla balls...
1) I have been replaced. By Derrick. I mean, he's a cool guy and everything but I just don't wan to see my best friend get hurt, emotionally or physically. Plus Angela is like my de facto best friend now. Love her to death, but it's a little weird because she is sixteen and it's also kind of bad because we start smoking like alotalot.
2) The only guys I curently talk to are Rich, Brett and Esteban. And I don't even mean "talk to" as in "interested in," I mean "talk to" as in actually literally the only males I converse with.
3) The Vallejo thing. AKA the last time I talked to guys who weren't my coworkers. Ewww!
4) I'm so broke I actually volunteered to get rehired at CuppaTea. I've been having nightmares about Lee ever since I started working there again.
So here's hoping that May is an improvement. But honestly, when is the last time anything named May (Mei?) ever did anything good? Which brings us to:
Extra credit) I'm still not over the Lou thing. Not one little bit. :( |
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| It wasn't me |
[Mar. 10th, 2008|09:06 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins - Paradise | ] |
It wasn’t me. I wasn’t there. And here’s how I know:
No one who really matters/would know will acknowledge that it was, in fact me. Thus. I can only postulate that I totally made it up. It was someone else. Perhaps Arlene. PS someone explain to me why my boss asked me if i was preggers? i was offended. |
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| i would walk a thousand miles, if i could just see you, tonight. |
[Jan. 11th, 2008|11:12 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | ridiculous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles | ] |
i wish i could play the piano so i could write beautiful music that makes people cry. i would get back at vanessa carlton so hard for that one. actually i'm not sure it's really her fault, lots of things make me cry. really weird things, too, like hats and smoking weed.
do you think it's patheic to be unhappy in every area of life just because something not-that-significant is upsetting you? for like, four, five months? i do. |
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| Resolutions |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|02:21 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chrisette Michele - Best of Me | ] |
I totally hardcore accomplished all of my resolutions for this year. SCORE.
But anyway, next year, I resolve to...
1) Own a car
2) Be more active
3) Do things, still
4) Make something of myself
Happy new year :) |
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| Kings and queens |
[Dec. 27th, 2007|10:22 pm] |
| [ | feelin' |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ne-yo ft. Jay-z - Crazy | ] |
Epiphanyfest:
If Simon Stahl is the king of boys who broke my heart
Then I am the queen of being messed with
BUT
I think
I like it.
And that's why I always go for the dudes who are all talk
no action.
But oh well. |
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